The election where everyone lost

It’s a sad day for British politics. Lembit Opik, we salute you!

We’ve all wasted our votes

So the British people have spoken. We have voted for change. And also for more of the same. Overwhelmingly for a new kind of politics, but also mainly for the old two-party system. For drastic and immediate public spending cuts to secure the recovery, but also for continued investment in public services to er, secure the recovery.

We have a hung parliament. We suffer from collective schizophrenia. We all wasted our votes – those of us who weren’t turned away from the polling stations, that is. What a sad day for British politics.

And it gets worse. Not only did a record 149 MPs stand down, resulting in a huge loss of expenses-fiddlers expertise in Parliament, but we have lost some of the nation’s most-admired politicians of recent times. No more Lembit Opik and his own particular brand of glamour (see photo above) haunting the corridors of power. No more Jacqui Smith, the country’s first ever female Home Secretary who earned plaudits during the Glasgow airport bombing episode but who will be forever remembered for pornographic films. No more Charles Clarke, hanging around the House of Commons tea-room trying to persuade everyone and anyone to overthrow Gordon Brown. Actually, he’ll probably keep trying that.

Anyway, with no winner, there can only be losers. The big losers are Cameron and Clegg, the former for failing to secure a majority and the latter for somehow managing to actually lose seats. Paradoxically, despite losing most, Labour are the least of the losers – it was only a few months ago everyone was predicting electoral obliteration, but they somehow remain in a pretty strong position.

Anyway, what happens now? We’ve had a hung parliament before, in 1974 you’ll remember, and Scotland and Wales have coalitions all the time. Gordon Brown remains PM while Cameron tries to tempt Clegg into a coalition, although this seems unlikely as Cameron can’t offer proportional representation. A Conservative minority government would not last long, while a Brown/Clegg coalition might still not have the numbers to last. Expect another election soon, and this time make your mind up!


QUOTE OF THE DAY

“So the election has left us in the middle section of a Jane Austen novel. Gruff Gordon and Dashing Dave are competing for the affections of Nubile Nick, a comely young thing, sadly living in somewhat reduced circumstances.”

– Robert Shrimsley, Managing Director of FT.com offers his analysis


THE END
Lab 258 (-91), Con 306 (+97), LibDem 57 (-5)